Love and its Ugly Faces: A “Lovers” Hypocrisy

ImageIt is the rage! “I am a loving person!” they chortle. Blanketed with their twist on love, so many use this to cover their licentiousness. They feel comfortable accusing and playing victim while thoughtlessly poisoning the world without shame.

They accuse others of being un-loving, pointing to banking, business, government, and war while playing victim when it is pointed out that they are no better. If you point to socially destructive behavior (which they are engaged in) they use the tired, social-ninja-defense “don’t judge me!”

On one hand, I am excited that so many people flock to the idea of love but on the other hand I am disappointed so few understand how their actions affect others. I am not talking about romantic love or the love of friends. Most of us will have this at times. More specifically, I am speaking of self-giving love; the kind that restrains us from hurting others, admonishes corruption and gives the undeserving mercy.

Without regard for the community at large, many “good” people perpetrate these  evil in our society. The perpetrators of these evils consider themselves good, enlighten and loving people. They see no disconnect between their actions and love.

I think it best if I give examples to facilitate clarity:

Let us look at the perversions of marriage and sex .

The top reasons for divorce are as follows:

  • Infidelity.
  • Communication breakdown
  • Abuse
  • Financial issues
  •  Sexual Incompatibility.
  •  Boredom.
  •  Religious and Cultural Strains
  •  Child rearing.
  •  Addiction
  • Differences in priorities and expectations[1]

These self-proclaimed loving people hurt each other in marriage and further it through divorce. The children of the marriage are damaged and this extends to and pollutes the extended family. The destruction causes awkwardness with friends and furthers societal degradation. Not all of these divorces are the fault of both partners, sometimes it is just one of them who is self-concerned enough to destroy family harmony. Marriage is always destroyed by one or both partner’s selfish interests.

The effects are deepened as divorce is normalized. The psyche of the children and their view of marriage and commitment are warped. The ball gets rolling down this road and it is hard to stop the pain and destruction.

Sex outside wedlock causes a lot of problems for us also:

  • Worry about pregnancy, STDs, and AIDS
  • Regret
  • Guilt
  • Loss of self-respect and lowered self-esteem
  • Devalued Sex
  • Shaken trust in relationships and fear of commitment
  • Hurt and anger over betrayal
  • Depression and suicide
  • Ruined relationships
  • Stunted personal development
  • Difficulty evaluating future spouse
  • Lack of bonding through sex in marriage:[2]

So what does this have to do with love other than self-love. This is where kids are born out of wedlock. This almost always creates a fatherless home. This act is simply done for self-pleasure. It was for fun not commitment. If the couple gets married there often is a predictable divorce because of their incompatibility, they never should have been having sex without marital commitment.

This has a sociological effect and entices others down the same destructive path. This is not for love but a little fun at the destruction of many. We are culturally reaping from seeds sown over the last 50 years of the sexual revolution. Out of wedlock births are the highest in our countries history. The incarceration rate is up about 900% since 1960[3] while the population has only grown by 75%.[4]

Without a father in the home children are at risk. Statistics show a great probability of incarceration, drug use, sexual activity outside marriage (perpetuating a negative societal trend), childhood obesity, higher rate of child abuse, higher poverty, and lower educational level for the youth of fatherless homes. Wow! This is a very costly “good time”.[5]

Women abort 3,500 children a day in the United States mostly out of convenience.[6] Only 1% of these abortions are due to incest and rape.[7] That means all these loving women are aborting about 3,465 babies a day for their “self-loving” convenience.

Men are having sex with women who they are not married to and many of these men do not stay with the women once she is pregnant. They sometimes encourage abortion for the sake of self-loving convenience. What does love have to do with it?

Pornography is obviously a disgusting self-indulgence that affects many other destructive behaviors previously mentioned. Sex offenders watch pornography. Studies have found that since the massive proliferation of sexually explicit media, sex crimes and violence against women has risen dramatically. Watching pornography ruins a person. It feeds the industry (and promotes the sex trade) and perpetuates a process, cultivating a growing number of sexual deviants. What a price to pay for a little enjoyable perversity.

Children are polluted which further perpetuates the negative cultural effect. What does love have to do with it?

These acts promote and further societal destruction.

I have six kids. I have three who are adults and three under 18 years old. One of the older ones is doing well and a good model for healthy living. My daughter and her husband are making a positive impact on the world around them. They serve the poor, work hard and have been attending college since their marriage.

One of my sons is living with a girl. He doesn’t see the impact he is having on my younger children and apparently he doesn’t care. I think he is a great guy but doesn’t care to take responsibility as a negative, perpetuating force, as I try to develop my younger children for a good life, resulting in advancing the world around them.

My other son is married and struggling with his faith but I believe he will make it out of his struggles. I wish he were doing better to help me ensure the best for my other children.

I hope we can see that what we do affects others. People want to see sin as simply a lifestyle choice (personal) and ignore the broader societal impact. This is a very convenient force for the denial and justification for their loose, liberated living.

My hope is that each of us would turn to true love and limit ourselves and choose what is good and promote this good for the benefit of generations.


2 thoughts on “Love and its Ugly Faces: A “Lovers” Hypocrisy

  1. very well written.like you said this is sin but these sins have been so accepted. I have a friend who has had a baby out of wedlock.Shes young and has now relized the bind she is in.I also know the hurt of divorce,raising children.A couple were even my fault do to selfishness,& sin.

    1. Well, I’m with you. I grew up in this culture and didn’t go about relationships as God would have me. I was fortunate that I didn’t have children or get divorced. But it was just dumb luck.

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